a_better_man | Abraxas Inbox

"We were neither of us our best selves. I'm sorry about your friend."

Though inwardly Mat is somewhat amazed he's only heard of the one death among Summoned. Considering the conditions, the dangers, the enemy that they'd been up against... Multiple, if one counts the cruel whimsy of nature. That so many survived is frankly miraculous.

"And you're hardly the only one who left me to my misery." So many of the people Mat's close to are simply not the comforting or sympathetic sorts. He'd hardly been on his own, but certainly there had been those he considers himself close to that had been mostly absent in his dark time.

At least Jesper had a good excuse. They'd been in a fight.

"So am I. I told his brother to look on the Horizon, see if something that could only be his domain is still there. That's how sometimes people know if people have left." The domain just disappears, from what he's been told and what he's witnessed for himself when he's lost people here. Luckily he has yet to lose someone who was deeply close to his heart that way. Until Dean.

"It seems stupid to hope, he's only a human, it's not as if he has supernatural healing." Grisha can die just as easily as any other people; they may have powers, but they aren't immortal. Being eaten by a sea creature and dragged into the ocean would definitely kill him. Jesper can't do anything about it now.

Jesper frowns, moving in a little closer to Mat, putting an arm over his side. He looks at his handsome face, troubled by that admission. "People in Thorne aren't good at comfort? What about Wilhelm and Rhy?" Jesper doesn't name Kell because he really doesn't know how he is outside of the bedroom. He might not be the comforting type. Rhy and Wilhelm though, they seem like they could at least try.

"Be surprised what people can live through." Mat gives an awkward little lying down shrug. He doesn't - didn't - know the man. Who's to say what the odds of survival are? Not him. Besides, he understands the need to hope.

"Mmm, yeah. Rhy and Wilhelm made efforts, and light knows I didn't make it easy on them. And Alicent. I...think I may be some sort of pledged knight now, I made her all sorts of promises of protection. She's our age, and very very high born and sheltered." There's no need to describe how poorly equipped to handle life in the pit she'd been. Hence Mat's swearing to look after her and protect her and keep her from harm. He thinks he implied enough for Jesper to infer.

"Barely saw Anakin all month, though. I know he went through hell, too, but he didn't even sleep in our room after. And he's my only roommate, so the nights were...very empty."

Not to mention Anakin is his best friend.

"I've met her, she definitely made me feel protective too. She's lucky to have you." Jesper was very gentle with her in a way he isn't for everyone. She just has that effect on people apparently, so he's not at all surprised. She seemed very sweet and like she was not at all prepared for this place. None of them are, but she is clearly a high born lady. Jesper went from flirty to kind in an instant. He knows better than to play with people who can't handle it.

The arm slung around him angles so he can slide his hand up and down Mat's back in a soothing gesture. After all the pain he put him through, it's difficult not to want to take it all back. To wish that they could turn back time.

He thinks Anakin is like Kaz, from what he knows of him, so he has a few guesses about that one. Jesper is typically a very communicative person, so it took awhile before he got used to that sort of personality.

"Anakin always struck me as someone who probably fears being a burden to others so he holds it all inside. It might be he's doing that with you." He's not his best friend or anything, but Jesper is usually a fairly good judge of character. "I'm sorry you've been so lonely, love. You shouldn't have to go through any of this alone."

"He's not that way with me. He tells me all kinds of things. He was...he had someone to lean on and was doing so. But it still left another hole."

A very empty and looming one. Mat knows it wasn't intentional, but it had hurt him all the same. He'd been bruised and tender already and quick to find misery wherever he could.

"It was just a terrible month to be in a sad state. Everyone had wounds to lick, and not much to spare for anyone else's."

Certainly not Mat's heartbreak, considering what so many of them had just been through. Half the time he'd felt ridiculous himself, being so upset over that when he'd spent a month being starved and tortured and mutating into light knew what. Which did prey on him, and he sure does have nightmares. One positive of having the room to himself - no one to hear him wake up with a scream.

He shifts a bit closer to Jesper.

"It was a terrible month."

"It's alright to feel sad or disappointed that your friend wasn't around for you. You should talk to him, clear the air. He's a good guy, I'm positive he'd listen."

Jesper has many good friends and he often feels confident enough in their standing to be honest with them. If it came to that. Due to his mostly sunny personality, he rarely ends up in conflict with any of them. Mat was a rare exception because of the situation they were in. There were a few times with Kaz that he's had to push conflict. In the end, it's made them closer.

He shifts closer himself when Mat does. Instinctively mirroring him as he feels like the party who wronged so it's up to Mat to decide how he feels about this. He hasn't pulled away from Jesper's affection. Gray eyes are fixed on his face, having thought he wouldn't see it for much longer.

"It was. I'm sorry that I made it worse for you, love. But I'm here now, and you can lean on me."

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