Jesper moves onto his side to look at Mat, reaching out to very gently run fingers through his hair, along his chin. He'd been cleanshaven briefly, it had been very strange at the time. Not that anything was wrong with his beautiful face. He also has felt very adrift and exhausted, running on fumes of anger and sorrow. Watching the execution didn't help. Kell didn't help. Nothing was going to help him outside of making peace with Mat.
"You'd been through something horrific. I should have been there for you." In hindsight so many things are clear, obviously, that he should have kept his temper. After what Mat went through, he needed comfort. He needed to be loved. Jesper sighs.
"My friend Dean died. Saving the others, the people who were still in there." Jesper doesn't think that he was fully aware at the time how much Dean's death was haunting him at the moment. He'd been so focused on getting everyone back. Sam Winchester had to tell him on the magical network, and then he had to try and help the man by talking him through it, offering to tell people about Dean for him.
"I know it's crazy but I still thought we'd all make it. I've been wrong twice." Matthias died when they already were through the insanity, no one expected that. Dean died after getting everyone out of the cavern. It's always when people let their guard down. "His boyfriend seems to be in denial about it." Claiming to everyone that Dean is still alive. But. Jesper wants to believe. He doesn't know yet that Castiel was right.
"It's not an excuse for my state of mind or anything, it was just a really fucking terrible time. I promise when I went in there, all I wanted was to be there for you, and be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for."
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"You'd been through something horrific. I should have been there for you." In hindsight so many things are clear, obviously, that he should have kept his temper. After what Mat went through, he needed comfort. He needed to be loved. Jesper sighs.
"My friend Dean died. Saving the others, the people who were still in there." Jesper doesn't think that he was fully aware at the time how much Dean's death was haunting him at the moment. He'd been so focused on getting everyone back. Sam Winchester had to tell him on the magical network, and then he had to try and help the man by talking him through it, offering to tell people about Dean for him.
"I know it's crazy but I still thought we'd all make it. I've been wrong twice." Matthias died when they already were through the insanity, no one expected that. Dean died after getting everyone out of the cavern. It's always when people let their guard down. "His boyfriend seems to be in denial about it." Claiming to everyone that Dean is still alive. But. Jesper wants to believe. He doesn't know yet that Castiel was right.
"It's not an excuse for my state of mind or anything, it was just a really fucking terrible time. I promise when I went in there, all I wanted was to be there for you, and be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for."