Jesper watches him and reaches out tentatively to run his fingers through Mat's dark mop of hair. Gentle, uncertain. He stays standing for a moment which really makes him seem like he's hovering, so he goes down to his knees in front of him, still just touching his hair.

"I let all the worst voices in my head win. All my doubts and fears. The heralds all over again." Jesper pretends to have a much more upbeat and cheerful side, someone who doesn't get let down easily. He's not as obvious about his brooding and sadness, but it's always there under the surface. In some ways, they are a lot alike. Wheels without fortune.

The heralds ripped through him, caused him to give into his worst impulses and drown in his addiction, and he felt that darkness again looking for his loved ones. Or maybe it never left him, not really.

"I didn't want to end things. I didn't want to hurt you but I ... I don't know, Mat. I keep doing it anyway to the people I love."